Rabbi Rael Blumenthal

This week has been a stressful one for our family. Baruch Hashem, all for good reasons. For the past few days, I’ve been flying solo, while Aliza is in Israel celebrating our nephew’s Bar Mitzvah.

While I am, of course, incredibly supportive of her taking the time to be with family, it’s not simple to go from a two-parent household to a one-parent home. Even for a few days.

I’ve written about this experience before, when she joined a Rebbetzin’s mission to Israel last year. Once again, I’m struck by enormity of single parenthood. I have a new found respect for my own mom who, for years, raised us single handedly.

Most acutely, I’m in awe of the thousands of Tzahal wives who have said goodbye to their husbands over and over again, for weeks and months. Truthfully, I have no room to complain over a stressful morning of carpools.

But between all the FaceTiming with Aliza, running around the house, trying to figure out which kid needs which what, and co-parenting from a distance, there’s an uncomfortable truth that needs to stated. It’s a truth that we all need to know as parents, and as Jews. Especially Jews living in Chutz La’aretz.

No matter how much better my wife is at getting the kids ready, packing their backpacks and making dinner; when she’s not here, that job is mine. Which means that in those moments, the parent with the responsibility must have the authority to decide what’s best.

Every parent has their own style and their own skill set. There are many right and many wrong ways to get things done, and more than likely, open dialogue and communication will make things better. But in critical moments when only one parent is present, trust is more important than communication.

Trusting that your spouse is loving, capable and committed to your kids means that even if you’d do it differently, you can trust that they’re making the best decision in that moment. Because they’re there, and you’re not.

I’ve been thinking about this more and more as I see people making comments and writing letters about Israel, the government and Tzahal. Without doubt, we all agree that what happens in Israel affects us deeply. Whether it be issues about drafting Yeshiva students, negotiating hostage deals or the war in Gaza. All of this affects us. But the fact that it affects us, does not grant us sufficient information to have an authoritative opinion on it.

Ultimately, the people who are taking responsibility for the situation, are the people who have the right to make decisions about it. Discussions are important. Talking things out is wonderful. But our world seems to think that parenting from afar is the same as being on the ground... and it really isn’t.

From our vantage point, our brothers and sisters in Israel need us on the phone, on FaceTime, giving them support and love and encouragement. Even giving advice if asked.

But ultimately, it’s their right to decide if we’re having ice cream for dinner.

This week, I had one of those “back in my day...” moments.

My kids were waiting for a show to load on the iPad, and it had been buffering for a few seconds longer than expected.

These days, delays of this nature tend to induce a mild panic. People get antsy. Maybe somethings broken? Maybe we need to restart the router?

Looking at their exasperated faces, I explained that “back in my day”, downloading an album of music took the whole night. We’d cue it up to start downloading before going to bed, and then, in the morning, we prayed that it had worked.

Of course, it was all lost the moment anyone picked up the phone.

My kids have never heard those screeching dial-up tones, and likely they never will. As of last month, AOL no longer offers dial up internet. All of this has been replaced by an internet that moves data faster than any of us could’ve imagined.

But this is not a tale of nostalgia for times past.

To be clear, I love technology and I’m far from the type to get sentimental about slower times. But there’s a point we often seem to miss... That the speed of everything in our world is also part of Hashem’s Hashgacha.

___

Chassidim tell a story of the Baal Shem Tov who once met a group of horse dealers at an inn. It was during the time of year when the fair was open, and they had all come to buy and sell their wares. They would spend every day doing business, and they would come in the evening to the boardinghouse to rest.

When the Ba’al Shem Tov saw how immersed in their business these men were, he felt sorry for them. He said to them, “I have a question for you, my brothers.”

Can you tell me the difference in price between a good horse and a bad horse?” The horse dealers began to laugh at the silly question. One of them spoke up and said, “There is a huge difference! A good horse that is able to run fast and which can carry a rider can fetch 100 gold coins or more. A bad horse that is too weak to run fast or carry and rider and can only pull a small cart can only be sold for 10 gold coins at most.”

The Ba’al Shem Tov, however, continued to speak and he asked,“Why is it good for a horse to be able to run fast? This could be a detriment. If it runs off the path, it will get very far away before you can catch it and get it back!”

The merchants now understood that he was hinting to deep matters and they waited to see what he would say next. The Ba’al Shem Tov continued: “It is true that a fast horse may get lost and run far away but it will also get back on the right path very quickly!”

He then turned to them with sweetness, “You should be able to understand on your own what I am getting at. You are all good Jews. You descend from great men and women. Even if you wander very far from the good path, do not despair! You still possess greatness within you and you can quickly return to the proper path.”

___

As parents and teachers, most of the time, our inclination is to attempt to control the rapidly increasing speed of the world. We try to create boundaries, structures and rules with the hope that we can slow things down to a pace we recognize; a pace we can manage.

What if we looked the rapid changes in our world as more than a danger? What if this was all an invitation?

Moshe Rabbeinu presents this invitation at the opening of our parsha:

רְאֵה אָנֹכִי נֹתֵן לִפְנֵיכֶם הַיּוֹם בְּרָכָה וּקְלָלָה – See, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse;

On this, the Seforno explains: In every situation, there is a possibility of it being entire good, or entirely the opposite:

כי אמנם אנכי נותן לפניכם היום ברכה וקללה והם שני הקצוות כי הברכה היא הצלחה יותר מן המספיק ע”צ היותר טוב. והקללה היא מארה מחסרת שלא יושג המספיק ושניהם לפניכם להשיג כפי מה שתבחרו:

Remember that I present you this day with the choice of two extremes, opposites. The ברכה is an extreme in that it provides you with more than you need, whereas the קללה is another extreme making sure that you have less than your basic needs. You have the choice of both before you; all you have to do is make a choice.

What if this year, this Elul, we harnessed the speed of our generation to make rapid changes? All it takes is to point ourselves in the direction we want to move towards, and then to start doing the things we want to be doing.

The invitation is simple: If Hashem has given us a faster horse than any time in Jewish history, let’s use it to get our lives back on track quicker than ever before.

It started with an announcement:

“We’d like to remind you that American Airlines has a quiet-cabin policy. Please ensure that your devices are on mute, or connected to headphones.”

That announcement was directed at the family sitting directly across the aisle from me. It was a mom and two teenage kids.

Before take off, mom had already donned her oversized noise cancelling headphones, loaded up some show on her phone, and left her two kids to bicker over the device she had handed them. The device was on full volume, and their fight over “who’s turn it was to pick” was in what could only be be described as “outdoor voices.”

Neither the mom, nor her kids took heed of the announcement. A few minutes later, a stewardess came by to reiterate the policy. This time it sounded more like a warning.

The mom glared at her kids, then looked back at the stewardess with a look of annoyance that said “why’d ya think I got these headphones?”

They quietened down... slightly.

When the service cart came around, mom was sure to order the largest bottle of wine on offer, which she promptly drank, just before fixating on the phone in front of her once again.

I watched all this happen next to me, with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

My first thought was that I guess I’m not such a terrible dad. At the very least, I’m not actively tuning out my unsocialized adolescent children while day drinking in public at the back of economy class.

A moment later I was overcome with a feeling of loss and sadness for this family.

I imagined how this exasperated parent never planned on becoming so disaffected. She probably dreamed of enjoying time with her kids, teaching them whatever value system she subscribed to. Or perhaps she had no idea what to expect from raising children; but the odds are that is wasn’t this.

I thought of all the little moments that might have lead to this abject hopelessness. No one wakes up one morning and decides to be an ineffective parent. It’s a steady stream of little decisions; a confluence of tiny choices that gravitated towards convenience and avoided conflict. No doubt, all of them felt justified in that moment.

Perhaps we’re not all that different, this mom and me. I too have made choices from a place of exasperation and exhaustion. How many little things have to go slightly wrong before disfunction is the new normal?

The good news however, is that it works in both directions. Small decisions to provide attentiveness, love, care and empathy can slowly transform a life, a child, a relationship.

Perhaps this is what Hashem is teaching us at the beginning of our Parsha:

וְהָיָה  עֵקֶב תִּשְׁמְעוּן אֵת הַמִּשְׁפָּטִים הָאֵלֶּה – And if you do listen these rules and observe them carefully,

If we will listen to the mitzvos of Hashem, we will be blessed with health, wealth and safety.

But which mitzvos exactly? Rashi here comments on the strangeness of the word עֵקֶב in the pasuk, noting that:

אִם הַמִּצְווֹת קַלּוֹת שֶׁאָדָם דָּשׁ בַּעֲקֵבָיו תשמעון – If, even the lighter commands which a person usually treads on with his heels (i.e. which a person is inclined to treat lightly), you will pay attention to,...

Material, familial and national success are born out of the little things.

Life, the Torah tells us, is not a highlight reel. It isn’t composed of unforgettable events, flashy outings and perfect meals. Life is the relentless pursuit of finding meaning in insignificant moments.

These are the mitzvos that Hashem is telling us we need to hear.

If this is still feeling a little abstract, here’s an exercise we can do to hone in on the little things:

What is the smallest mitzvah you can do right now? (For this experiment, small means the thing that is both quickest and most accessible. Something you can with barely any movement or effort.)

Sometimes, I’ll take a moment to ask myself: Do you need to make a bracha? A bracha achrona? Can you say it with a bit more focus and intention? Is there a person nearby that you can greet with a smile? Can you ask them how they’re doing and actually care to hear?

Can you turn to Hashem and say thank you for something you take for granted? Or perhaps direct that gratitude to your spouse, children, parents or siblings?

Now, imagine doing that a few times every day. Imagine making that into a habit. Imagine being known as the person that would always do that thing.

That’s how we become different people and better people.

Rav Kook writes (אורות התורה ג:ח): שֶׁנָּכוֹן לֵאמֹר עִם “מַה גָּדְלוּ מַעֲשֶׂיךָ ד'” גַּם כֵּן בְּרֹב הִשְׁתּוֹמְמוּת “מַה קָּטְנוּ מַעֲשֶׂיךָ ד'” – In the same way that a person must declare Hashem’s greatness, he must also recognize Hashem’s smallness. That is to say, how Hashem’s presence can be found in the majesty of the cosmos as well as in the delicate intricacies that can only be seen under a microscope.

All this is to say that the greatest blessings and the most painful challenges are waiting on the other side of the decision to make tiny changes. Hashem should give us all the vision to see the choices we have, and the courage to choose with integrity.

Thus far in my life, I am privileged to say that have never felt the need to hide my Jewishness. My regular mode of dress is quite telling: Dark pants, a white shirt, tzitzis and a kippah. If someone was looking to pick a Jew out of a crowd, I’d be a fairly obvious choice.

But the world is getting more and more dangerous for our people, which is why I was tensed up, my heart racing, when I heard a voice behind me shouting “Hey Jew! Yes, You With the Kippa”.

I turned, to see an elderly man sitting on a bench, waving me over. He didn’t look threatening, so I shrugged and walked over.

“You’re Jewish, right?” he asked.

“Yes I am, and I'm proud of it.”

“I’m Jewish too. I saw you with that Yarmulka, and I wanted to tell you that it’s a wonderful thing to see.” He said all of this with his head uncovered.

This was going much better than expected, so I continued the conversation: “Thank you so much. Where are you from?”

“I lived most of my life in Philadelphia, I’m 92 years old today. I don’t see many yarmulkas these days. Most for us have given up wearing them in public – many have given up altogether. The whole world hates us, you know?”

I nodded and waited. He seemed anxious to add something.

Then he pointed upwards, and whispered: “But none of that means anything. He loves us. He’s on our side.”

He smiled and waved me off. “Don’t stop wearing that Yarmulka. Never stop wearing it.”

I smiled back, and continued walking, wondering why Hashem had made it that I should meet with that old Yid that day...

___

After Tisha B’av, Klal Yisrael sighs from collective relief. Haircuts, music, meat and wine are once again part of our lives. But while the halachos of “bein hametzarim” are relieved, the feeling of being squeezed “between the straights” has not dissipated.

Since October 7th, our generation might be able to finally identify with our ancestors who forswore meat, wine and music until the Beis HaMikdash would be rebuild.

We are all well aware that Tisha B’av is still continuing for the hostages and their families. The Mikdash is still burning for so many chayalim whose lives will never be the same again.

But does Hashem really want us to hold off on enjoying His world? And how would that even help Klal Yisrael?

The chronic, persistent stream of negativity, antisemitism and political unrest has become exhausting. So we resort to the only answer we have: put one foot in front of the other, and do the best we can to keep Halacha.

___

But living an exhausted, numb, ritualistic Yiddishkeit is not the value system we aspire to.

The Torah famously tells us this Shabbos: וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת ה’ אֱלֹקיךָ – You should love Hashem your God. We’re supposed to feel connected to Hashem, not just fumbling through the day, checking off boxes on the Shulchan Aruch’s to-do list.

Of course, there are Jews who are able to love Hashem with all the heart – they’re big tzadikim.

Some have the resources to change the world through their money – בכל מאודך.

Some are able to love him with all their soul – בכל נפשך – which Chazal (ברכות נ”ד) explain – אֲפִלּוּ הוּא נוֹטֵל אֶת נַפְשְׁךָ – even if He is taking your soul from you. This is the obligation to give up our lives for Hashem, His People and His Land. These are our precious Chayalim.

But the Tiferes Shlomo (פ’ נשא) adds that there is relevance in this mitzvah for us as well:

The Torah is instructing us that sometimes Hashem will take away your “soulfulness”, your will and desire. Sometimes, you’ll decide that you want to serve Him, and you’ll be overcome with oppositions and roadblocks. Nevertheless, you should know that even when you feel like a failure, even when everything feels strained, when you’re drained and uninspired, Hashem still wants you to serve Him.

Your Avoda, when you don’t feel like doing anything – that’s also בכל נפשך.

The truth is that we are the only things in all of creation that can push ourselves to do what Hashem wants when we feel lost and confused.

Everything else in the universe is programed to perform Ratzon Hashem at all times. They don’t have the challenges of feeling overwhelmed; they never need to juggle conflicting priorities. We are the only ones who can find Hashem in these emotionally fraught places.

___

Maybe that’s what the holy Jew on the bench was telling us.

The world is taking their Yarmulka off because they’re afraid of the fight. But you should keep on wearing it... but don’t do it just because that’s how you’ve always dressed.

Wear it despite the hate. Wear it despite the pressure to avoid it. Wear it because He believes in you, even on the days that you don’t believe in yourself. Wear it because Hashem loves you; and because you want to love Him too.

This past Monday, I drove from Camp Mesorah to New Jersey to officiate at the Levaya of a dear friend and former member of our BRS West kehillah.

When the funeral concluded, we lined up in cars, with flashing lights, and drove to the Beis HaChaim.

The burial was in a section of the cemetery that I had never been to before, and I followed the cars ahead of me, making my way through generations of Jewish families.

At the final turn, right in front of me was an enormous headstone, with a name I recognize too well.

BLUMENTHAL.

There were no first names, no dates. Just the name; covering two plots.

To the best of my knowledge, I don’t know these Blumenthals and I doubt that we’re related. But it’s jarring to turn a corner and see your own name written on a Kever. More than that, it’s a humbling reality check: One day, that will be me.

For most of us, confronting our own mortality is not a daily activity. Indeed, Chazal don’t recommend it, other than as a last resort to avoid giving into destructive temptations. (See Rav Kook עין איה ברכות ה:א)

But on Shabbos Chazon, as the tragic culmination of the three weeks approaches, we read the Haftara of Chazon, the vision, of Yeshayahu, who saw the burning of the Beis HaMikdash while it was still standing. He saw the Kever of the Yerushalayim while it was still standing tall. It’s a relentless lament, devoid even of the hopeful optimism that is interspersed throughout Eicha.

The Rama (תק”א א) writes that on this Shabbos we should not wear Shabbos clothes. (Our minhag is different (עין באור הגרא שם). We observe this Shabbos with all of our regular practices and comforts.)

It is peculiar however, that many of the Seforim tell us that on Shabbos Chazon every Jew can get a חזון – a vision or glimpse of the Beis HaMikdash of the future. They describe the loftiness of this Shabbos, its unique sanctity, its preciousness and power.

But perhaps these two perspectives are not so distant.

On the Shabbos before Tisha B’av, the Navi invites us to see a world where the Beis HaMikdash hasn’t yet been destroyed. On Shabbos Chazon there is still hope for Klal Yisrael to do Teshuva, for the fires to be extinguished.

There is no comfort in this Haftara, because nothing has happened. Our point of view this is that everything can still be fixed, it can all still be saved. It’s encumbered upon us to make sure that we do so.

Imagine living in a world when the Beis HaMikdash still stood. Imagine the pain and tension and baseless hatred swirling, threatening to topple our capital city, our lives and homes.

If Hashem sent you a vision of the impending destruction, would you not do everything in your power to ensure it would never come to pass?

If you could save the Beis HaMikdash by giving up your life, is there any doubt you would do so willingly? ...And if that’s true, why are we so unwilling to give up our opinions, agendas and egos?

In the deepest way, this Shabbos gives us a glimpse of how we will need to live when the Mikdash is rebuilt. The same Ahavas Yisrael that was needed to prevent its destruction will be just as necessary to maintain it in the future.

But for this Shabbos, don’t think of it as destroyed. Think of it as standing in front of you, with all its power, majesty and beauty. This Shabbos, imagine we’re already there.

The Avoda of Shabbos Chazon is to see the tomb stone with your name on it, and know it’s not yours. This is not the end. It is not over.

Our job right now is to fight the Yetzer Hara of hopelessness. To live in a world that once was; a world that we are working to achieve again soon.

This year, Tisha B’av falls out on Motzei Shabbos / Sunday.

Shabbos Chazon:

• In previous generations, there was a debate whether or not to observe any practices of mourning on Shabbos Chazon (The Shabbos preceding Tisha B’av). In recent years, the prevalent custom is to celebrate Shabbos as usual, without any detraction from it.
• One is permitted to eat meat, drink wine, and wear fresh clothing.
• However, from sunset on Shabbos afternoon (8:07pm), until nightfall (8:44pm), Shabbos had not yet ended, and the fast of Tisha B’av has already begun. During this time, we do not eat or drink, but we also continue to wear Shabbos clothes, and sit on regular chairs.
• This year, there is no Seudas Mafsekes. Instead, we eat the third meal of Shabbos. One is permitted to eat meat, drink wine and to sing as usual. (Eating and drinking must be concluded by 8:07pm. Benching can be said thereafter.)
• At 8:44pm, we say “Baruch ha’mavdil bein kodesh l’chol”. Then, we remove our leather shoes, take off our Shabbos clothing, and change into weekday clothes. One should wear clothing that was already worn the previous week, because one may not wear freshly laundered clothing on Tish’a B’Av.

Havdalah:

• Since the fast begins during Shabbos, it is impossible to say havdalah over a cup of wine. Nevertheless, we say havdalah – “Ata Chonantanu” – in the Ma’ariv Amida.
• Some hold that women should daven this Ma’ariv, even if they do not usually do so, in order to make havdalah in Ata Chonantanu.
• We do say the Bracha “Borei M’orei Ha’Eish” before reading Eicha. (If you are not at shul, you should say this bracha on a fire at home.)
• At the end of the fast on Sunday night, before eating or drinking, one must say havdalah over a cup of wine, which includes: Borei Pri HaGafen, and HaMavdil (He Who separates). No bracha is made on spices or fire.
• A sick person, who needs to eat on Tish’a B’Av must say havdalah over a cup before eating. Preferably, one should use to use chamar medinah – a distinguished beverage other than wine. One can use beer, or coffee.
• If one has no such beverage, say havdalah over grape juice.
• A child who eats on Tish’a B’Av need not say havdalah before eating.

Laws of Tisha B’Av

Fasting:

• A person who is sick (even if not life threatening) is not obligated to fast on Tisha B’av. Sick is defined as: pain or weakness which precludes them from continuing their regular routine of life.
• Pregnant and Nursing women are obligated to fast on Tisha B’av, unless they are experiencing unusual weakness.
• A women who is nursing exclusively, should begin fasting and if she feels like her milk is drying up, she should break her fast immediately and nurse her baby.
• A women who is nursing exclusively who is concerned that her milk will dry up if she attempts to fast, should not fast on Tisha B'av.
• A woman within thirty days of childbirth is considered ill, and is exempt from fasting.
• A woman who is unsure whether or not she is considered ill should begin the fast. Then, if she starts feeling very weak, her status changes from that of a regular pregnant woman to that of a sick person, allowing her to eat and drink.
• All pills that one usually needs, should continue to take them on Tisha B'av. If possible, it should be swallowed without water. If needed, add a drop of listerine to a shot-glass of water, and use that to swallow the pill.

(If there are any follow up questions, please reach out to me directly – RRB)

Washing:

• Any form of washing for the sake of pleasure is forbidden on Tish’a B’Av, whether the water is hot or cold.
• One may wash ones hands after changing a diaper, or before preparing food for children.
• A person who is extremely uncomfortable due to their breath in the morning, may use mouth wash.

Anointing:

• One may not apply oils, cream, cosmetics or perfumes on Tisha B’av.
• Applying creams for medicinal purposes is permitted. Vaseline for dry skin, anti-itch cream, sunscreen and bug repellent are permissible.

Leather Shoes:

• It is forbidden to wear shoes that have any leather in them.
• Some poskim hold that one should avoid shoes that are particularly comfortable.
• All other leather items (belts etc...) are permissible.

Marital Relations:

• On the night of Tish’a B’Av a couple should behave as they do when the wife is a niddah.
• During the day, touching an passing items is permissible, but affectionate touch is prohibited.

Work On Tisha B’av

• Chazal teach us that, “Anyone who works on Tish’a B’Av will never see a sign of blessing from it” (Ta’anis 30b). The reason is that doing work distracts one from mourning. However, Chazal did not prohibit work on Tish’a B’Av explicitly.
• Nowadays, the minhag is to refrain from doing work on Tish’a B’Av until midday and we work after midday only if it is very necessary.

Additional Halachos on Tisha B’av:

• One should sit on a low chair, or on the floor. This prohibition is lifted at midday (1:27pm).
• We do not learn Torah which makes us happy. This prohibition applies throughout the day, until the end of the fast.
• We do not greet each other on Tisha B’av. However, if one receives a greeting, it can be retuned in a soft voice and serious tone.

May we merit that this year, these Halachos are only theoretical, and that we never need to observe them again.

This year, Tisha B’av falls out on Motzei Shabbos / Sunday.

Shabbos Chazon:

• In previous generations, there was a debate whether or not to observe any practices of mourning on Shabbos Chazon (The Shabbos preceding Tisha B’av). In recent years, the prevalent custom is to celebrate Shabbos as usual, without any detraction from it.
• One is permitted to eat meat, drink wine, and wear fresh clothing.
• However, from sunset on Shabbos afternoon (8:07pm), until nightfall (8:44pm), Shabbos had not yet ended, and the fast of Tisha B’av has already begun.
• During this time, we do not eat or drink, but we also continue to wear Shabbos clothes, and sit on regular chairs.
• This year, there is no Seudas Mafsekes. Instead, we eat the third meal of Shabbos. One is permitted to eat meat, drink wine and to sing as usual. (Eating and drinking must be concluded by 8:07pm. Benching can be said thereafter.)
• At 8:44pm, we say “Baruch ha’mavdil bein kodesh l’chol”. Then, we remove our leather shoes, take off our Shabbos clothing, and change into weekday clothes. One should wear clothing that was already worn the previous week, because one may not wear freshly laundered clothing on Tish’a B’Av.

Havdalah:

• Since the fast begins during Shabbos, it is impossible to say havdalah over a cup of wine. Nevertheless, we say havdalah – “Ata Chonantanu” – in the Ma’ariv Amida.
• Some hold that women should daven this Ma’ariv, even if they do not usually do so, in order to make havdalah in Ata Chonantanu.
• We do say the Bracha “Borei M’orei Ha’Eish” before reading Eicha. (If you are not at shul, you should say this bracha on a fire at home.)
• At the end of the fast on Sunday night, before eating or drinking, one must say havdalah over a cup of wine, which includes: Borei Pri HaGafen, and HaMavdil (He Who separates). No bracha is made on spices or fire.
• A sick person, who needs to eat on Tish’a B’Av must say havdalah over a cup before eating. Preferably, one should use to use chamar medinah – a distinguished beverage other than wine. One can use beer, or coffee.
• If one has no such beverage, say havdalah over grape juice.
• A child who eats on Tish’a B’Av need not say havdalah before eating.

Laws of Tisha B’Av

Fasting:

• A person who is sick (even if not life threatening) is not obligated to fast on Tisha B’av. Sick is defined as: pain or weakness whichprecludes them from continuing their regular routine of life.
• Pregnant and Nursing women are obligated to fast on Tisha B’av, unless they are experiencing unusual weakness.
• A woman within thirty days of childbirth is considered ill, and is exempt from fasting.
• A woman who is unsure whether or not she is considered ill should begin the fast. Then, if she starts feeling very weak, her status changes from that of a regular pregnant woman to that of a sick person, allowing her to eat and drink.

Washing:

• Any form of washing for the sake of pleasure is forbidden on Tish’a B’Av, whether the water is hot or cold.
• One may wash ones hands after changing a diaper, or before preparing food for children.
• A person who is extremely uncomfortable due to their breath in the morning, may use mouth wash.

Anointing:

• One may not apply oils, cream, cosmetics or perfumes on Tisha B’av.
• Applying creams for medicinal purposes is permitted. Vaseline for dry skin, anti-itch cream, sunscreen and bug repellent are permissible.

Leather Shoes:

• It is forbidden to wear shoes that have any leather in them.
• Some poskim hold that one should avoid shoes that are particularly comfortable.
• All other leather items (belts etc...) are permissible.

Marital Relations:

• On the night of Tish’a B’Av a couple should behave as they do when the wife is a niddah.
• During the day, touching an passing items is permissible, but affectionate touch is prohibited.

Work On Tisha B’av

• Chazal teach us that, “Anyone who works on Tish’a B’Av will never see a sign of blessing from it” (Ta’anis 30b). The reason is that doing work distracts one from mourning. However, Chazal did not prohibit work on Tish’a B’Av explicitly.
• Nowadays, the minhag is to refrain from doing work on Tish’a B’Av until midday and we work after midday only if it is very necessary.

Additional Halachos on Tisha B’av:

• One should sit on a low chair, or on the floor. This prohibition is lifted at midday (1:27pm).
• We do not learn Torah which makes us happy. This prohibition applies throughout the day, until the end of the fast.
• We do not greet each other on Tisha B’av. However, if one receives a greeting, it can be retuned in a soft voice and serious tone.

May we merit that this year, these Halachos are only theoretical, and that we never need to observe them again.

(This guide addresses many of the most common questions. Please feel free to reach out with any follow-ups.)

This Shabbos is Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av, and the beginning of the Nine Days.

In addition to the restrictions of the Three Weeks, these next nine days are marked by a number of practices to help us internalize the tragedy of the Destruction of Yerushalaim from which we still suffer today.

In general, Ashkenazim observe these restrictions from Rosh Chodesh Av. Sephardim observe them from the week in which Tisha B’av falls out.

Laundry:

• We do not wash clothes in the nine days; ironing and dry cleaning are included in this prohibition. One may not wash clothes in order to wear them after Tisha B’Av, because one who does laundry appears as though he is taking his mind off of mourning over the Beis HaMikdash. One also may not ask a non-Jewish cleaner to wash one’s clothes for use after Tisha B’Av.
• One may wear clean underwear and socks and use fresh hand towels. These may also be washed if necessary for hygiene and cleanliness.

Meat and Wine:

• We do not eat meat or poultry.
• We do not drink wine. Other alcoholic beverages are permitted.
• One is permitted to eat food that was cooked in meat pots, as long as no meat was cooked with it, and one cannot taste the taste of the meat in his food.
• Regarding Havdalah, most poskim agree that one can use grape juice.

Showering, Bathing, and Swimming:

• We do not bathe for pleasure during the nine days, even in cold water.
• If one regularly swims as a form of exercise, one is permitted to continue one’s regular swimming schedule.
• If someone is sweaty or dirty it is permitted to shower during the nine days to clean off and not for pleasure. The shower should be set cooler than usual, and should take only as long as needed to get clean.

Business, Building and Trips:

• One should not begin a new business ventures during the nine days, or engage in activities that are riskier than usual.
• We do not remodel, renovate or repaint one's home.
• Vacation trips that can be scheduled for other times should be avoided.

Hashem should bless us that we will not need to review the Halachos of Tisha B'av next week.

(This guide addresses many of the most common questions. Please feel free to reach out with any follow-ups.)

This Shabbos is Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av, and the beginning of the Nine Days.

In addition to the restrictions of the Three Weeks, these next nine days are marked by a number of practices to help us internalize the tragedy of the Destruction of Yerushalaim from which we still suffer today.

In general, Ashkenazim observe these restrictions from Rosh Chodesh Ave. Sephardim observe them from the week in which Tisha B’av falls out.

Laundry:

• We do not wash clothes in the nine days; ironing and dry cleaning are included in this prohibition. One may not wash clothes in order to wear them after Tisha B’Av, because one who does laundry appears as though he is taking his mind off of mourning over the Beis HaMikdash. One also may not ask a non-Jewish cleaner to wash one’s clothes for use after Tisha B’Av.
• One may wear clean underwear and socks and use fresh hand towels. These may also be washed if necessary for hygiene and cleanliness.

Meat and Wine:

• We do not eat meat or poultry.
• We do not drink wine. Other alcoholic beverages are permitted.
• One is permitted to eat food that was cooked in meat pots, as long as no meat was cooked with it, and one cannot taste the taste of the meat in his food.
• Regarding Havdalah, most poskim agree that one can use grape juice.

Showering, Bathing, and Swimming:

• We do not bathe for pleasure during the nine days, even in cold water.
• If one regularly swims as a form of exercise, one is permitted to continue one’s regular swimming schedule.
• If someone is sweaty or dirty it is permitted to shower during the nine days to clean off and not for pleasure. The shower should be set cooler than usual, and should take only as long as needed to get clean.

Business, Building and Trips:

• One should not begin a new business ventures during the nine days, or engage in activities that are riskier than usual.
• We do not remodel, renovate or repaint one's home.
• Vacation trips that can be scheduled for other times should be avoided.

Hashem should bless us that we will not need to review the Halachos of Tisha B'av next week.

(This guide addresses many of the most common questions. Please feel free to reach out with any follow-ups.)

This Shabbos is Rosh Chodesh Menachem Av, and the beginning of the Nine Days.

In addition to the restrictions of the Three Weeks, these next nine days are marked by a number of practices to help us internalize the tragedy of the Destruction of Yerushalaim from which we still suffer today.

In general, Ashkenazim observe these restrictions from Rosh Chodesh Ave. Sephardim observe them from the week in which Tisha B’av falls out.

Laundry:

• We do not wash clothes in the nine days; ironing and dry cleaning are included in this prohibition. One may not wash clothes in order to wear them after Tisha B’Av, because one who does laundry appears as though he is taking his mind off of mourning over the Beis HaMikdash. One also may not ask a non-Jewish cleaner to wash one’s clothes for use after Tisha B’Av.
• One may wear clean underwear and socks and use fresh hand towels. These may also be washed if necessary for hygiene and cleanliness.

Meat and Wine:

• We do not eat meat or poultry.
• We do not drink wine. Other alcoholic beverages are permitted.
• One is permitted to eat food that was cooked in meat pots, as long as no meat was cooked with it, and one cannot taste the taste of the meat in his food.
• Regarding Havdalah, most poskim agree that one can use grape juice.

Showering, Bathing, and Swimming:

• We do not bathe for pleasure during the nine days, even in cold water.
• If one regularly swims as a form of exercise, one is permitted to continue one’s regular swimming schedule.
• If someone is sweaty or dirty it is permitted to shower during the nine days to clean off and not for pleasure. The shower should be set cooler than usual, and should take only as long as needed to get clean.

Business, Building and Trips:

• One should not begin a new business ventures during the nine days, or engage in activities that are riskier than usual.
• We do not remodel, renovate or repaint one's home.
• Vacation trips that can be scheduled for other times should be avoided.

Hashem should bless us that we will not need to review the Halachos of Tisha B'av next week.