Rabbi Rael Blumenthal

Amongst the greatest tragedies of Yetzias Mitzraim is the Medrash regarding the ratio of those who were saved.

Rashi quotes this Medrash at the beginning of our parsha:

וַחֲמֻשִׁים עָלוּ בְנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵל מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם – חֲמֻשִׁים אֶחָד מֵחֲמִשָּׁה יָצְאוּ וְאַרְבָּעָה חֲלָקִים מֵתוּ בִּשְׁלֹשֶׁת יְמֵי אֲפֵלָה

Now the Israelites went up “armed” out of the land of Egypt – Another explanation of “חמשים” is: only one out of five (חמשה) went forth from Egypt, and four parts of the people died during the three days of darkness.

If only a fraction of Klal Yisrael left Egypt, then Pesach becomes a far more complicated holiday. Without doubt, almost every Jew who crossed the Red Sea had barely finished sitting Shiva for a loved one.

With this ratio of redeemed Jews, everyone leaving Egypt felt like Noach, watching their world flooding behind them. Everyone felt like Lot, feeling the blistering heat of destruction on their back, fleeing Mitzrayim like fleeing Sedom.

They were not simply leaving their Egyptian tormentors, but almost everyone and everything that they knew.

The Ibn Ezra rejects this reading entirely; arguing that if this was the case, Yetzias Mitzrayim would be more of a horrific tragedy than a holiday. Instead, he explains that the word חֲמֻשִׁים means “armed”.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe, however, finds common ground between the Ibn Ezra and the Medrash: being armed for battle and being resilient in the face of our cultural enemies are two sides of the same coin.

The Pesach Hagada explains that were certainly Jews who did not wish to be redeemed. Every year, we say about the wicked son “if he were there, he would not have been redeemed.” Clearly, there were those who denied Moshe’s message and Hashem promise. Or perhaps there were those who couldn’t find the courage to charge into the desert when the Nile was the only world they knew.

But imagine the resilience, the tenacity, the mental fortitude of our ancestors who did leave Egypt. Some of them must have been surrounded by families and friends, an entire society who were unwilling or unable to reject the pull of Mitzraim. Against this backdrop, our forebears were the ones who chose leave.

Indeed, the survivors of Mitzrayim were armed; perhaps with weapons, but perhaps with a counter cultural mindset. They were bold, perhaps a little foolhardy and more than willing to chase a dream. The Jews who stayed in Egypt, however, have faded into the dust of history.

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Sometimes I wonder which camp I fall into.

I’d like to believe that I would not have hesitated to leave Mitzrayim. I’d like to think that I would have followed Moshe enthusiastically into the Midbar, come what it may.

But then again, I’m here in Boca Raton. I am not one of the חֲמֻשִׁים – the brave Chayalim who are armed and fighting.

Those who are giving their lives in Gaza are not only young boys, eighteen or nineteen years old. Many of them are my age, with wives and families. Bnei Torah, Bnei Yeshiva. They are fighting and dying. They are the armed soldiers marching out of Galus, while I am sitting, writing about about them, reflecting on their lives and sacrifices.

Perhaps I’m part of the four fifths who didn’t make it out. Or perhaps not yet. Has the door closed for us here in the USA? For my friends and family in South Africa? What does one need to do in order to merit redemption?

...

Every student of Chumash learns at some point about the two great villains of the Chumash: Dasan and Aviram. Every complaint, issue and rebellion in the desert was spearheaded by these two trouble makers. Indeed, it was these two men whom Moshe saw fighting each other on the day he left Paroah’s palace. It was them who turned him in to the Egyptian authorities after he killed the Mitrzi, and them who sided with Korach years later.

Indeed, the Targum Yonasan in our Parsha notes that they were the ones who told Paroah that the Jewish people had no intention of coming back to Egypt. When the nation escaped, these two stayed behind to inform on them.

There is an obvious plot-hole question that needs addressing: If Dasan and Aviram were still in Mitzrayim when Klal Yisrael left, how did they ever rejoin the nation to cause problems later?

The Beer Mayim Chaim (בשלח ד”ה ובני ישראל) quotes from Chazal:

ובני ישראל הלכו ביבשה וגו'. מיעוט רבים שנים, לומר כי על שנים מישראל לבד נקרע הים והם דתן ואבירם שאמרו חז”ל שנשארו ונקרע הים עליהם לבד.

Even though Dasan and Aviram stayed in Egypt, when they eventually arrived at Yam Suf the sea split again just for them!

It seems a bizarre thought – that Hashem would perform such a miracle for these two Reshaim, but perhaps we could explain it in light of the challenge of the Rosh (שמות י:י)

יש לשאול מ”ש שמתו כל הרשעים בתוך ג' ימי אפלה ודתן ואבירם לא מתו שהיו רשעים גמורים. י”ל אע”פי שהיו רשעים לא נתייאשו מן הגאולה:

One could ask: If those who were truly wicked perished in the three days of darkness, why did Dasan and Aviram survive? Surely they were total Reshaim. However, we can explain: Even though they were clearly wicked people, they were saved, since they never lost hope in the possibility of redemption.

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It seems then, that the greatest guarantee of eventual Geulah is ensuring that we never give up hope.

This is true for our Chayalim, living through the hell of war. This is true for our hostages, and their tortured families. It’s true for our kids on college campuses and embattled Jews throughout the world.

It’s also true for you and me in Chutz La’Aretz; feeling distant and ineffective. So proud of our nation and our home land, and so ashamed to be so far.

Most importantly, we can now reorient our perspective about other Jews, our brothers and sisters. Perhaps they are not all tzadikim. Perhaps some of them are Reshaim. But so long as we are all yearning, hoping, dreaming and fighting for Geulah, then the sea will split yet again for us and them.

This is the Tefillah of David HaMelech in Tehillim 130, which we have all been saying: נַפְשִׁי לַה’ מִשֹּׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר – My soul is more eager for Hashem than watchmen for the morning.

But the Alshich adds: Sometimes, my body is not quite purified yet. Sometimes, only my soul is desperate for you Hashem. But please, redeem me for my soul, remember us for Your sake.

Bring them home. Save them.

Save us. Take us home as well.

The Klausenberger Rebbe once told the story (שפע חיים – מועדים שבת שובה):

Like so many before them, a small group of Rabbis had been kidnapped, accused and imprisoned. Their crime? Being Jewish. They were given options: Either bow to the cross and denounce your belief in Hashem and His Torah, or die. To these Rabbis, the choice was obvious. By the next morning they would be welcomed to the Yeshiva Shel Maalah.

What does one do, knowing that tonight is their last night on earth? How does a Jew prepare to give their life Al Kiddush Hashem?

Pray for a miracle? Arrange a protest? Beg their tormentors for mercy?

No. These tzadikim had a singular concern. In there final hours they would ensure that the Torah they had learned would survive their deaths. Without hesitation, they cut into own their veins, and with the blood of their hands, they wrote on the walls of the prison cell.

*These Talmidei Chachamim were no ordinary scholars. They were Baalei HaTosfos – the brilliant French luminaries from the schools of Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam. And the words that they wrote on that final night of their lives, are the immortalized in Bava Kamma 77a; the big Tosfos which takes up the entire page. The Daf HaYomi for Thursday, 8 Sh’vat 5784.

(The Munkatcher Rebbe (דברי תורה ח:לא) told this story in the name of the Bnei Yissaschar.)

It’s a sobering thought. How much of the Torah that we learn today has been acquired and preserved through the blood and tears of our ancestors and teachers? Generations of people who died as they lived – dedicated to preserving Torah and Mesora. Somehow, through the long and often dark exile, Klal Yisrael has learned that Mesirus Nefesh is the key to our immortality.

Moreover, we have discovered that the capacity to give our lives for Hashem and His People is baked in to the souls of every Jew. As the Baal HaTanya (פרק י”ח) writes:

אֲפִילוּ קַל שֶׁבְּקַלִּים וּפוֹשְׁעֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל מוֹסְרִים נַפְשָׁם עַל קְדוּשַּׁת ה׳, עַל הָרוֹב, וְסוֹבְלִים עִינּוּיִם קָשִׁים שֶׁלֹּא לִכְפּוֹר בַּה׳ אֶחָד.

Even the most flippant of flippant, and the transgressors of Jewish people, in the majority of cases, sacrifice their lives for the sanctity of Hashem’s Name and suffer harsh torture rather than deny the one God, although they be boors and illiterate and ignorant of God’s greatness.

Today, we are witnessing the heroism and tragedy of young men, husbands and fathers, risking their lives with unimaginable Mesirus Nefesh for Eretz Yisrael and Am Yisrael.

An entire country has mobilized to ensure the safety, security and sovereignty of our nation in our homeland. It is clear to me that our Chayalim are drawing from the same wells as the Baalei HaTosfos; those deep waters that run in our collective national soul since the days of Avraham Avinu.

The land upon which our nation lives and the Gemaros that we learn, have both been acquired with the blood of our greatest heroes.

But martyrdom has never been the ideal. It is always a tragedy. We are a people who celebrate life, and our deepest tefillah is that it is time for this heartbreak to end.

The Yid HaKadosh of Pshishcha was once lamenting the great pain that Klal Yisrael would experience just before Mashiach arrives. His Talmid, Reb Simcha Bunim tried to console the Rebbe: “But is it not true that Hashem only gives us challenges that we can handle?”

The Rebbe replied: “Reb Bunim, you have no idea just how much pain the Jewish people is able to handle.”

We have enormous capacities to withstand the pain. But just because we can handle it, does not mean that it’s ok, or that we’re ok.

We’re decisively not ok. This war is not ok. Over 100 days of our brothers and sisters held as hostages in the depths of hell is not ok. The excruciating pain of widows and orphans, of grieving parents and children is not ok.

Every tefillah is a protest to the Ribono Shel Olam. But within these protests there are important questions that we need to address: When the time for self-sacrifice is over, when we can finally live in peace, with safety and security for Jews in Israel and around the world, what will we do with our lives?

When Jews no longer need to die for Torah and Eretz Yisrael, will we be willing to live for these same truths?

The Seforno (שמות יב:ב) explains that this is at the heart of our very first national obligation: the creation of our National Jewish Calendar.

The Torah instructs: “הַחֹדֶשׁ הַזֶּה לָכֶם רֹאשׁ חֳדָשִׁים – This month is the first of the months of the year for you.” From now on these months will be yours, to do with as you like – you have My authority to organize your own time. This is by way of contrast to the years when you were enslaved when you had no control over your time or timetable at all. While you were enslaved, your days, hours, minutes even, were always at the beck and call of your taskmasters.

Leaving Mitzrayim means that we could finally decide how to spend our time, and in that new found freedom there is a world of responsibility. What would we do if and when we have the time? Would we fill it with meaning, purpose and growth? Or would we fill it with the pursuit of hedonistic pleasure and apathy?

This is the same question that Hashem is posing to us today: We want the war to end. But why? We want to live securely in our homeland. But why? Why do we want to live? Why do we want to prevail? Of course we want the pain to end; that’s normal and healthy and necessary. But what do we want to do thereafter? What is the purpose of Jewish existence when we can choose to live as we wish?

Hashem is challenging us to look deep within ourselves and ask: Are our soldiers giving their lives so that Klal Yisrael can return to safely binge watching TV and fighting about politics? Or perhaps we are awakening to the truth that if Jews are willing to die for Eretz Yisrael, for Torah and for each other, then these are the things worth living for as well. Perhaps it is time to reengage with the reasons why Klal Yisrael exists at all.

So we continue daven for the safety and success of our Chayalim, the return of our hostages and the refuah (both mental and physical) for all those who are in pain. But beyond this, we should daven for ourselves and our families; that we should merit to choose a life of Mesirus Nefesh as well.

Hashem should help us, that when He takes us out of this “Mitzrayim”, we will know exactly what to do with our lives.

I grew up hearing this story and learning this text. It’s a fundamental pillar of Religious Zionism; a triumphant description of our generation:

“Rebbi Chiyya and Rebbi Shimon ben Chalaphta were once walking in the valley of Arbel and witnessed the breaking dawn as it started radiating. Rebbi Chiyya said to Rebbi Shimon ben Chalaphta: so will be the redemption of Israel; it starts out very little and grows and stronger as it goes on.” – Yerushalmi Brachos 1:1

This is the grand vision of redemption unfolding. The gradual warmth and light of Geulah rising to rescue us from exile. The imagery carries with it a sense of hope and optimism, of fate and destiny. A reality that is impossible to stop, change or destroy. Our national destination is preprogrammed into the fabric of existence itself.

Indeed, the Rambam (הלכות מלכים ומלחמות י״א א) paskens that the coming of Moshiach is not simply a fulfillment of prophecy, but an undeniable truth of the Torah itself:

וכל מי שאינו מאמין בו. או מי שאינו מחכה לביאתו. לא בשאר נביאים בלבד הוא כופר. אלא בתורה ובמשה רבנו.

Anyone who does not believe in him or does not await his coming, denies not only the statements of the other prophets, but those of the Torah and Moses, our teacher.

Forgive my irreverence, but there is a problem with all of this on a visceral, experiential level: When the sun rises, the shadows of night retreat. They do not return sporadically and cruelly, as if the sun was bobbing up and down on the horizon. When the sun rises, there is a predictable increase in light, at exactly the same rate as the decrease in darkness.

What we are experiencing is not predictable. It is not consistent. The shadows are looming longer and darker this year than any other in recent memory.

Ribono Shel Olam! Where’s the Geulah? Where’s the sunrise? Is the road to redemption really supposed to be paved with so much blood and and so many tears? Should we be marching to Yerushalaim or to hospitals and funerals? Is Moshiach supposed to arrive at the end of the shameful scandal of taking Israel to the International Court of Justice? Perhaps You could send him before this Chillul Hashem gains any more libelous steam?

This is the scream that arises from the soul of every Jew. Often times, it feels like we scream alone. But we are not alone. Indeed, we are in the company of Moshe Rabbeinu himself, who levies exactly this question to Hashem in the concluding words of last week’s parsha:

וַיֹּאמַר אֲדֹנָי לָמָה הֲרֵעֹתָה לָעָם הַזֶּה לָמָּה זֶּה שְׁלַחְתָּנִי, וּמֵאָז בָּאתִי אֶל־פַּרְעֹה... הֵרַע לָעָם הַזֶּה וְהַצֵּל לֹא־הִצַּלְתָּ אֶת־עַמֶּךָ׃

“My Lord, why did You bring this harm upon this people? Why did You send me at all? Ever since I came to Pharaoh... he has dealt worse with this people; and still You have not delivered Your nation!”

Moshe Rabbeinu is troubled with October 7th, just as we are. He’s watching the Galus intensify even as Hashem has promised that Geulah is coming.

How does Hashem answer these allegations?

עַתָּה תִרְאֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶעֱשֶׂה לְפַרְעֹה כִּי בְיָד חֲזָקָה יְשַׁלְּחֵם וּבְיָד חֲזָקָה יְגָרְשֵׁם מֵאַרְצוֹ

“Now you will see what I will do to Pharaoh: he shall let them go because of a greater might; indeed, because of a greater might he shall drive them from his land.”

Is Hashem relenting? Is He caving? What does He mean when He says “now you will see?” The Netziv explains: The pain you are experiencing now is not an indication of Hashem’s absence. Indeed, it is quite the opposite; this pain is a clear sign of the Geulah.

The Beis Yaakov of Izbhitz (פר’ שמות כז) explains:

There are two narratives occurring simultaneously: Our descent into slavery and the birth of Moshe Rabbeinu, the redeemer. One might assume that when Moshe is born, the exile would begin to dissipate. But the opposite occurs. Moshe’s birth heralds harsher sentencing; and his return to Egypt decades later makes the slavery even worse.

But why is this case? How are we to make sense of this mysterious process?

When Hashem begins the process of waking us up from our national sleep in exile, this awakening is felt throughout the world. Klal Yisrael is slowly rising from the ashes of history, and taking our rightful place as a beacon of light to all of humanity. This unfolding dawn is echoed in every person, and every nation. Everyone feels the rising of Hashem’s people. Some are inspired by it, while others feel the desperate need to oppose it, fight it and attempt to squash it.

It is this truth that might help us understand the absurdity of the world’s obsession with Israel. The reality is quite clear: Hashem is forcing each nation, each politician, party and person to take a side. There can be no equivocating.

This is the meaning of the Netziv: When the process of redemption is interrupted by anger, hatred, anti-semitism and aggression, you can be sure that a greater awakening is taking place. In a strange way, it is our enemies, most threatened by our Geulah, who feel it happening first.

Of course, like everything else in our lives, our conflicts, pain and challenges on a national level are happening inside of us as well. In our own hearts and minds there is an awakening to come home to Torah, Mitzvos and Eretz Yisrael. And rising up against this wave of positivity and progress are the feelings of cynicism, narcissism and defeatism.

Make no mistake. The war is being waged on every front and even the smallest of our personal victories lends greater strength to our national mission on the battle fields of Gaza, in the Halls of Congress and on the world stage.

Hashem’s message to Moshe then, and to us now is one and the same: The end is near; that’s why they’re fighting so hard. “Soon you will see...” With Hashem’s help, we will not need to wait much longer.

Most years, as we begin Sefer Shemos, we tend to skim over the beginning. Rightfully so, I guess. It’s never pleasant to focus on the extremities of our suffering under Egyptian tyranny. We’re excited to get to the good stuff: miracles, revelation and redemption. After all, these things make up the bulk of the narrative, and the far more enjoyable parts of the story. But this year, in particular, it’s difficult to look past the pain.

It seems all too familiar. A nation bent on destroying the Jewish people, with a particular hatred of Jewish babies. This year I find myself thinking less about signs and wonders, and more about the impossibly tumultuous anguish of giving birth to a baby slated to die by royal edict.

How did Yocheved feel? How did Amram feel? How did they cope with the realization that there was no way they could protect their son from the cruelty of being thrown into the nile?

With no way of keeping him safe at home, Yocheved builds him a miniature ark; perhaps it might save him from the flood of hatred.

Imagine her exuberance when Moshe was discovered by the daughter of Pharaoh and when Yocheved was then hired to be his nursemaid. And imagine the pain of that day when her baby was once again taken from her, this time to be raised as an Egyptian.

Imagine the sleepless nights as those parents cried, wondering what was happening to their beautiful child. What hatred and lies he might be hearing about his parents and his people. Would they ever see him again? Perhaps, in their darkest moments they wished that none of this had happened. That he might’ve died as Jew, in infancy, rather than become the adopted grandson of their virulently anti-semitic tormentor.

From our vantage point, with the clarity of hindsight, and the detachment of a few millennia, we can examine, investigate and question a little differently. Indeed, thethe Ibn Ezra does just that, asking: Why did Moshe need to be kidnapped and snatched away from his family? Why did he need to be raised in the palace of Pharaoh?

The Ibn Ezra answers: Perhaps this exposure to royalty would teach him how to become a leader, a king, rather than a slave. Or perhaps it would provide him with the necessary distance from his people that might allow them to revere him and look up to him.

But none of this sufficiently mitigates Yocheved’s tears. Not then, and not now. If its not too heretical to say, perhaps we might dare to ask: With the infinite resources of the Almighty, omnipotent God, surely there was another way for Moshe to become Moshe without this immeasurable pain?

And if we are honest, I think that perhaps this is our question right now as well. Deep in the hearts and minds of every Jew there is a tiny, one-person protest: “Hashem, we know that You have a plan. We believe it, we know it with perfect faith. But in all of the wonders of Your Creation, is there not, perhaps, a possibility that Your goals and aims for Klal Yisrael could be achieved without this hell? Whatever it is that You need us to achieve and become, however You are pushing us to grow, did it really have to be like this?”

In the case of Yocheved, the Ibn Ezra concedes that his best explanations are merely suggestions. We cannot ever fully account for Hashem’s designs:

ומחשבות השם עמקו, ומי יוכל לעמוד בסודו, ולו לבדו נתכנו עלילות

The thoughts of Hashem are deep. Who can comprehend their secrets? To Him alone all actions are accounted.

While we might never be able to understand Hashem’s ways, Chazal revealed to us a few hidden details from the life of Yocheved to help us traverse the murky pain of our generation.

The Talmud (סוטה יב א) tells us of Yocheved’s birth:

דאמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא: זו יוכבד, שהורתה בדרך ולידתה בין החומות, שנאמר: ״אשר ילדה אותה ללוי במצרים״ — לידתה במצרים, ואין הורתה במצרים.

Yocheved’s conception was on the road, as the family of Yaakov descended to Egypt, and she was born between the walls as it is stated: “And the name of Amram’s wife was Yocheved, the daughter of Levi, who was born to Levi in Egypt.” Her birth was in Egypt, but her conception was not in Egypt.

Ok, so Yocheved was born as Yaakov and his family entered Egypt. But what is the meaning of being was born “between the walls?”

The Mabit, writes in his Beis Elokim (שער היסודות כ”א):

It would be the children of Yocheved: Moshe, Aharon and Miriam, who would one day redeem the Jewish people. They were brought into the world by a mother who lived as the connection between exile and redemption. Her conception was in Eretz Yisrael, devoid of any slavery. But she was born “between the walls” of Egypt; meaning: She was born at the exit of Egypt, the place which Klal Yisrael would stand and anticipate their freedom and redemption.

This place was engrained in her personality and perspective. For the rest of her life, Yocheved saw herself as standing, persisting, suffering and surviving at the center of Jewish history. She lived in the fleeting moments between past and future; between exile and redemption. In the deepest way, Yocheved lived with the knowledge that her story, and our story is never over, it is always in the middle. Be definition, this means that we cannot possibly hope to understand our story since it has not yet reached its climactic finale.

The Rama MiPano (מאמר חקור דין חלק ג פרק ד) writes that Yocheved transcended space and time in the same way as the Aron Kodesh “took up no space”. She existed in the infinitesimally small space “between the walls”, where Galus and Geulah could happen at any moment.

Of course, none of this negates the pain. None of this answers the questions of “Why me? Why this? Why now?” But answering questions was never the goal. To be living at the center of all time and space means that Hashem is holding our hands in the here and now. He is partnering with us in writing this sentence in the story of our lives and the life of Klal Yisrael. If it doesn’t make sense, that’s only because we’re still in the middle.

Perhaps, when the final pages of this chapter are written, we will learn the reasons; the why’s and the how’s of Hashem’s Master-Plan for our lives since October 7th. Or perhaps by then we might finally understand the totally of why Moshe Rabbeinu needed to by raised in the home of Pharaoh. Then again, we might never merit to scratch the surface of the infinite depths of Ratzon Hashem.

But no matter what we do or do not understand, we can live between these walls, fully present, with Hashem at our side, yearning for and anticipating the day when we too will march beyond the walls of exile; together with our brothers and sisters in captivity. Living, crying, laughing, and Be’ezras Hashem, soon celebrating.

As we approach the end of Sefer Bereishis, I cannot help but think back to the last time we finished a book of the Torah. For us in Chutz La’Aretz, it was the day after the world changed. As is the custom of Ashkenazim, we completed Sefer Devarim and cried out “Chazak, Chazak V’Nischazek”.

So many of our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisrael did not hear those words in Simchas Torah; they were hiding in bomb shelters and stair wells. So many will never hear those words again.

The origins of calling out these three words is somewhat murky. They are not written in the Torah. The custom is discussed by the Rishonim, trying to find a reason for our practice in its various forms. Sefardim call out “Chazak U’Baruch”, and some communities call out “Chazak, Chazak, Chazak.”

It appears, however, that according to all opinions, it is deeply rooted in the practice of Jews across the world and centuries that we conclude a Sefer with a cry of “Strength”.

The Pri Chadash (סי' קל”ט ס”ק י”א) notes this this is because the Talmud (ברכות לב א) tells us that four things always need strengthening: Torah, Good deeds, Tefillah and a Career.

Rav Kook explains that despite the obvious values to these endeavors, without constant work, we tend to let things slip. To this end, as soon as we complete a book of the Torah, we immediately declare that we should be strengthened to continue; we are not resting on our laurels.

But the conclusion of Sefer Bereishis appears to carry an additional message. By all standards, this book ends tragically:

וַיָּמׇת יוֹסֵף ... וַיִּישֶׂם בָּאָרוֹן בְּמִצְרָיִם Joseph died... and was placed in a coffin in Egypt.

The cry for strength at this juncture is not simply to encourage future Torah study; it’s a response to the calamity of the parsha. This Great Book of Creation ends with the death of its protagonists, and the exile of their descendants. It’s a depressing narrative to say the least.

Of course, we know that this darkness will eventually give way to the magnificence of Yetzias Mitzraim, the Splitting of the Red Sea and the Giving of the Torah. But not before generations of murder and slavery. Yosef’s death carries with it the full weight of the journey ahead. It is no wonder that we pause at this juncture to rally together and encourage each other to strengthen ourselves.

But this is not the whole story. The truth is that when Yosef dies, the journey has barely begun. At this point, the family of Yaakov was still experiencing some of the greatest prosperity that any Jewish community would ever enjoy. The slavery was still years away, the pain would only begin decades into the future.

On the one hand, Sefer Bereishis ends in exile and devastation, but on the other, it concludes with wondrous success: The reunification of Yaakov’s sons with all the religious and material freedoms they would ever want or need.

Perhaps it is davka this situation that needs the greatest Chizuk; this reality so eerily predictive of the lives which we live today. Drawing connections between Klal Yisrael in Mitzraim and our current circumstance is not my own interpretation; it was first said by the Ramban in our Parsha:

כי רדת יעקב למצרים הוא גלותינו היום ביד החיה הרביעית (דניאל ז ז) רומי הרשעה

Jacob’s descent into Egypt alludes to our present exile at the hand of the “fourth beast,” which represents Rome.

The Ramban continues to explain that our inability to fully return to Eretz Yisrael is not due to a lack of capacity on our part, but rather the intricate political alliances in which we are entangled. We are held back from fulfilling our national mission of reconquering and resettling Eretz Yisrael by the nations of the world; despite the fact that we are now capable.

It is in this complex web that Yaakov Avinu chooses to reveal to his children the vision of the end of time, as Rashi tells us:

בקש לגלות את הקץ ונסתלקה ממנו שכינה

He wished to reveal to them the end of Israel’s exile but the Shechinah departed from him.

Living in such times now, we can certainly appreciate the need for clarity about the future. If only there was a way to know and understand how Hashem is holding our hands and guiding us through this end of the exile. But instead, the Parsha is “closed”. There is no break. We rush from line to line, pasuk to pasuk, word to word, and there is no pause or explantion.

We move from news report to news report, hostage to hostage, story to story, soldier to soldier. There is no pause. No Break. No clarity. No clue when this is going to end. We too wish for Yaakov, for anyone, to reveal the end, but now, just as then, it’s closed.

But the Sfas Emes (ויחי תרל”א) shared the secret of our parsha and our life:

מ”מ כ' בזוה”ק שגילה מה שרצה לגלות רק בדרך הסתר Nevertheless, the Zohar teaches us that Yaakov was able to reveal something of the End in a hidden way.

והפי' ע”י אמונה יכולין למצוא האמת להתברר שהוא רק הסתר כנ”ל. ולכך ויחי יעקב סתום. שזה מקור החיות להיות נמצא גם בא”מ. The meaning of this, is that by our knowing that Yaakov knew, we know that the end is possible. Yaakov lived in Mitzraim; which means that it’s possible to find live and meaning and purpose and clarity even in the darkness of exile.

We know and believe with perfect faith that there is a happy end to the story. We know it because Yaakov knew it; even if he couldn’t share it. We know it because he lived it.

So this shabbos, we will finish Sefer Bereishis; living the same lives as out ancestors. Shrouded in politics, exile and anxiety about the future, but screaming “Chazak, Chazak V’Nischazek”. Despite it all, we can still continue to find strength. Whether we see it or not, the end of the darkness is coming soon.

As we approach the end of Sefer Bereishis, I cannot help but think back to the last time we finished a book of the Torah. For us in Chutz La’Aretz, it was the day after the world changed. As is the custom of Ashkenazim, we completed Sefer Devarim and cried out “Chazak, Chazak V’Nischazek”.

So many of our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisrael did not hear those words in Simchas Torah; they were hiding in bomb shelters and stair wells. So many will never hear those words again.

The origins of calling out these three words is somewhat murky. They are not written in the Torah. The custom is discussed by the Rishonim, trying to find a reason for our practice in its various forms. Sefardim call out “Chazak U’Baruch”, and some communities call out “Chazak, Chazak, Chazak.”

It appears, however, that according to all opinions, it is deeply rooted in the practice of Jews across the world and centuries that we conclude a Sefer with a cry of “Strength”.

The Pri Chadash (סי' קל”ט ס”ק י”א) notes this this is because the Talmud (ברכות לב א) tells us that four things always need strengthening: Torah, Good deeds, Tefillah and a Career.

Rav Kook explains that despite the obvious values to these endeavors, without constant work, we tend to let things slip. To this end, as soon as we complete a book of the Torah, we immediately declare that we should be strengthened to continue; we are not resting on our laurels.

But the conclusion of Sefer Bereishis appears to carry an additional message. But all standards, this book ends tragically:

וַיָּמׇת יוֹסֵף ... וַיִּישֶׂם בָּאָרוֹן בְּמִצְרָיִם Joseph died... and was placed in a coffin in Egypt.

The cry for strength at this juncture is not simply to encourage future Torah study; it’s a response to the calamity of the parsha. The great book of Creation ends with the death of its protagonists, and the exile of their descendants. It’s a depression narrative to say the least.

Of course, we know that this darkness will eventually give way to the magnificence of Yetzias Mitzraim, the Splitting of the Red Sea and the Giving of the Torah. But not before generations of murder and slavery. Yosef’s death carries with it the full weight of the journey ahead.

It is no wonder that we pause at this juncture to rally together and encourage each other to strengthen ourselves.

But this is not the whole story. The truth is that when Yosef dies, the journey has barely begun. At this point, the family of Yaakov was still experiencing some of the greatest prosperity that any Jewish community would ever enjoy. The slavery was still years away, the pain would only begin decades into the future.

On the one hand, Sefer Bereishis ends in exile and devastation, but on the other, it concludes with wondrous success: The reunification of Yaakov’s sons with all the religious and material freedoms they would ever want or need.

Perhaps it is davka this situation that needs the greatest Chizuk; the eerily predictive reality in which we live today. Drawing connections between Klal Yisrael in Mitzraim and our current circumstance is not own interpretation; it was first said by the Ramban in our Parsha:

כי רדת יעקב למצרים הוא גלותינו היום ביד החיה הרביעית (דניאל ז ז) רומי הרשעה

Jacob’s descent into Egypt alludes to our present exile at the hand of the “fourth beast,” which represents Rome.

The Ramban continues to explain that our inability to fully return to Eretz Yisrael is due to the intricate political alliances in which we are entangled. We are held back from fulfilling our national mission of reconquering and resettling Eretz Yisrael by nations of the world; despite the fact that we are now capable.

It is in this complex web that Yaakov Avinu chooses to reveal to his children the vision of the end of time, as Rashi tells us:

בקש לגלות את הקץ ונסתלקה ממנו שכינה

He wished to reveal to them the end of Israel’s exile but the Shechinah departed from him.

Living in such times now, we can certainly appreciate the need for clarity about the future. If only there was a way to know and understand how Hashem is holding our hands and guiding us through the end of the exile. But instead, the Parsha is “closed”. There is no break. We rush from line to line, pasuk to pasuk, word to word, and there is no pause.

We move from news report to news report, hostage to hostage, story to story, soldier to soldier. There is no pause. No Break. No clarity. No clue when this is going to end. We too wish for Yaakov to reveal the end, but now, just as then, it’s closed.

But the Sfas Emes shared the secret of our parsha and our life:

מ”מ כ' בזוה”ק שגילה מה שרצה לגלות רק בדרך הסתר Nevertheless, the Zohar teaches us that Yaakov was able to reveal something of the End in a hidden way.

והפי' ע”י אמונה יכולין למצוא האמת להתברר שהוא רק הסתר כנ”ל. ולכך ויחי יעקב סתום. שזה מקור החיות להיות נמצא גם בא”מ. The meaning of this, is that by knowing that Yaakov knew, we know that the end is possible. Yaakov lived in Mitzraim; which means that it’s possible to find live and meaning and purpose and clarity even in the darkness of exile.

We know and believe with perfect faith that there is a happy end to the story. We know it because Yaakov knew it; even if he couldn’t share it. We know it because he lived it.

So this shabbos, we will finish Sefer Bereishis; living the same lives as out ancestors. Shrouded in politics, exile and anxiety about the future, but screaming “Chazak, Chazak V’Nischazek”. Despite it all, we can still continue to find strength. Whether we see it or not, the end of the darkness is coming soon.

It’s not something we’re proud of, but we all seem to be running out of steam.

Do you remember the emotions of October 8th, 9th and 10th? Our heightened sense of purpose, our intensity in tefillah, our commitment to Talmud Torah? Do you remember the commitments that we all made? Tehillim ‘round the clock? The desperate hopes that perhaps this was finally the Geulah Sheleima? It’s not pleasant to admit it, but we’re not thinking, feeling and acting in the same way. None of it is quite the same as it was a few weeks ago.

Of course, some of this is the natural course of the year, each and every year. We often feel a powerful sense of direction in the days following Elul, Tishrei and Simchas Torah. By the time we’re lighting the last Neiros Chanukah we are usually pining for a few days of long awaited vacation. We’re looking forward to some down time, a break from the routine.

This year, however, it is difficult to justify our regular indulgences. I’ve heard it from member of our shul, from chaveirim and from colleagues. How can we plan a vacation when our brothers, cousins and nephews are fighting in Gaza, and Rachmana Litzlan, falling in battle? How can we spend money on Chanukah gifts and vacations for our children when hundreds of thousands of Israelis are still refugees? Shouldn’t we just send the money to those who need it far more than us?

But on the other hand, does it really help the situation if we deprive ourselves of rest and enjoyment? Has it not been a difficult year for us as well? Are we narcissists or normal for thinking this way? It’s hard to weigh up each moment of our personal lives with national importance.

At there core, these feelings and conundrums are all approaching a singular truth: We cannot go on like this forever. No one can. It’s simply too much.

So we turn away sheepishly, with overwhelming guilt. We rationalize that Hashem cannot possibly want or expect us to live with the same intensity as we did in the first days and weeks of the war.

In a deep way, we feel that these rationalizations are the words of the Yetzer Hara. We know that our Chaylim are fighting day and night. They are not taking vacations. Their families are not getting the much needed rest that they have undoubtedly earned either. And there’s the guilt again. Can I really not push myself to learn for another few minutes? Can I really not make it to minyan? So we push a little harder. Sometimes. Because none of this guilt changes the reality that carpools, homework, finals, work and family life are all tiring.

We’re caught in a web of wanting to do more, feeling the waves of hopelessness and despondency. So we spiral. Late nights doom scrolling. Constantly refreshing the pages to see if perhaps there is some glimmer of hope. It’s a tough to watch.

We comfort ourselves in the knowledge that we’re winning the war. We know that Tzahal is slowing taking control of Gaza; fulfilling their promise to eradicate our enemies. But that’s not what fills the news feeds. All we see are families of hostages desperate for a joyful end to the most excruciating pain imaginable. And as the days turn to weeks, weeks become months, we see more and more antisemites around the world gathering to call for the annihilation of our homeland and nation. Negotiations for the future of Gaza that never take Jewish safety and sovereignty into account.

Most tragically, the deaths of our precious Chayalim are impossible to process. Slowly we are becoming numb to the pain as we read another list of inconceivable losses. Our children have been exposed to words and worlds that their young ears should never need to hear. They no longer flinch. The word “kidnapped” is now part of life.

All of this raises the question: What does Hashem actually want from us right now?

It dawned on me during a recovery run this week.

Every runner knows that there are long runs, fast runs and hard runs, these are the runs that tax and exhaust us. But then there are recovery runs. These runs exist as a strange paradox. On the one hand, they are still a little tiring; but they are also slow enough and controlled enough that we return after the run with more strength and greater confidence.

Recovery is not just for sick people. The Oxford English dictionary defines recovery as “the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.” That’s what we’re aiming for here; it’s based on a profound understanding that we are capable of more. It’s an admission that we have oceans of potential that is yet to be uncovered, and that we have work to do to actualize that potential. The ups and downs are part of the training.

A recovery run allows us to keep moving and keep growing even when we are tired. This is the Avoda that we need right now.

In place of unsustainable and anxious anticipation, recovery gives us sometime to do. Something that’s still achievable when we’re tired, burned-out and numb.

What is recovery in Torah and Mitzvos? Perhaps the best translation is Teshuva. Most of the time, we translate Teshuva as “repentance”. Sometimes, we translate it as “return”. All of this centers around sin and failure. But Teshuva is ultimately the process of building greater resilience, of becoming a better person because of the set-backs. That’s real recovery.

The most important feature of recovery is its purpose. It’s slow for a reason: To enable us to get stronger and avoid injury. It is an intentional slowing-down to prepare for harder challenges in the future.

This is our challenge and opportunity right now. If you’re feeling like you need a break, that you’re running on empty and that you just want to stop; this is not the time to give up! Klal Yisrael still needs us. Instead of grinding to a guilt-ridden halt, we can find ways to recover without stopping.

The Avoda is to ask ourselves: What can I in my Avodas Hashem to regain the motivation to push myself a little harder later? What chessed, learning, davening, mitzvah or middah can I work on while getting ready to upgrade the intensity? So what if I’m getting tired?! Thats part of the program. The real question is whether we’re growing or not. Ultimately, the question is: Where can I engage in Teshuva right now?

The Medrash (ב”ר כא ו) notes:

אֵין וְעַתָּה אֶלָּא תְּשׁוּבָה – The word “now” always means Teshuva

Living with purpose here and now is the ultimate recovery. It ensures that we are always getting better, always growing, always developing.

This broader perspective is the seismic shift that Hashem is asking from us right now. For many of us in Chutz La’aretz and in Eretz Yisrael, this war and these tragedies have awakened us to the singular reality that we can no longer live on auto-pilot. Hashem is calling each of us to take control of our lives, to honestly adjust our Avoda to ensure that we are moving forward and making a difference. He is asking us to reevaluate everything, from our daily decisions to our plans for the future. To find ways to live for more than just ourselves; to become the people that He needs us to become.

The world has changed since October 7th. Have you?

In the past eight weeks, as we have traveled through Sefer Bereishis, the connections between the parsha and our lives have been more than uncanny.

We have witnessed the darkness and desolation of ‘Tohu VaVohu,’ the confusion of a world before Hashem creates light. We have the most extreme moral depravity, echoes of the world before the flood. The Avraham’s of our generation, have once again gone to war to free their captured family. Sarah Imenu has been abducted by a rapist regime. Yitzchak has been placed on the Mizbeach. Dina has been kidnapped and defiled, and her brothers, Shimon and Levi have reenlisted in the IDF to avenge her honor.

It should not surprising that the are countless more connections that we have seen, heard and learned. After all, מעשה אבות סימן לבנים – The actions of our ancestors pave the way for our lives. Or as Rav Moshe Stav explained to me in KBY: “The Torah is a history book. But it doesn’t tell the story of the past, it tells the story of the future.”

For this reason, there are many Rabbanim and teachers who are getting nervous as we approach this Shabbos. This week, the focus changes from the enemies outside to the horrors of our own internal fighting. This Shabbos, Yosef is sold into slavery. This week, the seeds of Sinas Chinam are sowed; seeds that would lead to the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash.

None of this is a secret; we are all well aware of the bitterness of Jew-Against-Jew hatred, and its devastating effects. This has plagued us for two millennia of painful exile.

It is not my place to say it; but there are many in Israel who see the connection between the extreme divisiveness of October 6, and the hell of October 7.

Personally, I am far more cautious about ascribing reasons to the actions of Hashem. But I certainly agree with the sentiment that this war should serve as an opportunity and a calling for greater and sustained Jewish unity.

Of course, in our community and all around the world, we have been inspired by and involved in the amazing unity of the past few weeks. Through the tears and heartbreak, it feels like we’re finally getting the message that we cannot do this alone. We need each other, and we need to value each other.

And yet, the beginnings of political stirrings are reawakening. Like cracks in the foundation of our fragile national heart, Israel is hearing murmurings of old, unresolved tensions, not to mention the fresh wounds that have been torn open in the pain of making life and death decisions.

Beneath all the questions and challenges there is still a deep and desperate hope, a yearning and a tefillah that we never reignite the flames of internal hatred. But in the sleepless, late night hours of worrying and doom scrolling, we wonder if there might ever be time that Jews just get along with each other. Two thousand years of Sinas Chinam seems to be an insurmountable hurdle. In our lowest moments, cynically, we question if perhaps this pain will be enough to shake us into unity. And if not, what will it take? These are thoughts we don’t want to think.

So we try to do our part, small as it might seem, we know what to do. We reach out to friends and family with love and patience. We work on our middos. We judge each other favorably. We beg Hashem to help us. We desperately try to ensure that the hatred between Yosef and his Brothers ends with here and now. Forever. We know what might happen if we continue to perpetuate it.

There’s just one problem: We’re pretty sure that it wont work. We still feel as strongly about the truth and validity of our opinions as we did before; perhaps even more so now. And so do the Jews who disagree with us. We haven’t actually resolved any of the issues between us. We have simply put everything on hold in service of a greater common goal. But what’s to say that we will not erupt into bitter disunity the moment we have a little safety? Is there anything we can practically do to prevent it?

To begin an understanding, we should examine the source of our fighting, the root of the fissure been Yosef and his Brothers. Why did they hate him? The commentaries grapple with the pesukim, mining them for hints and indications that might account for the extremity of this tragic fallout. Was it really all about Lashon Hara and Yaakov’s gift technicolor dream-coat?

The Medrash (בראשית רבה פ״ד ח), however, asks the question from a different angel; challenging neither Yosef nor his Brothers, but instead, questioning the silent orchestrator of all these events: The Master of all Words, Hashem.

Why does Hashem plant quasi-prophetic dreams of rulership in Yosef’s head? Why does Hashem ensure that Yosef is guided by an angelic stranger to his brothers’ location when he cannot find them? And even with all of that, is there anything that can adequately explain such deep rooted animosity between brothers? There is so much of this story cannot be explained by family dynamics, psychology and probability.

To all this, the Medrash answers perplexingly:

לָמָּה וַיִּשְׂנְאוּ אֹתוֹ, בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁיִּקָרַע הַיָּם לִפְנֵיהֶם Why was it that “they (the brothers) hated him”? It was so that the sea would be split before them.

The Rashash comments on this enigmatic Medrash: Hashem arranged that the brothers would hate Yosef, leading to his becoming a slave in Egypt, where Yosef would withstand the temptation of Potifar’s wife. Consequently, he would accrue great merit, and it was as a result of that merit that the sea was split for Klal Yisrael.

This hardly seems like satisfactory answer. Is the Rashash saying that Hashem actually wanted the brothers to hate Yosef? Did He want Yosef to be sold into slavery? Even suggesting it sounds bizarre and cruel. But there is a profound depth to this Medrash, as explained by Rav Moshe Dovid Valle, the great student of the Ramchal:

Hashem did want the brothers to hate Yosef. Without the involuntary and painful training provided by his brothers, Yosef would never have withstood the challenges of Egypt. He tasted defeat in the most painful way once, and grew to ensure it would never happen to him again.

The Torah tells us that וְלֹא יָכְלוּ דַּבְּרוֹ לְשָׁלֹם – the brothers could not speak peacefully with him. On this, the Zohar HaKadosh writes that they could not make peace with Yosef even if they wanted to! Hashem wanted this fight to happen because Hashem wanted Yosef to be prepared.

When we zoom out from our private and communal battles, when we look at history with the privilege of hindsight, we might see a greater story being written. In this story, it is the lion cubs who wrestle and claw at each other, that are eventually equipped to rule the animal kingdom. In the deepest of ways, Chazal are telling us that Jewish disunity is a feature and not a bug. But what does this mean for us here and now?

Our world is far from perfect, and each one of us is here to make a difference that only we can make. Which means, that so long as there is evil in the world, we will be forced to train ourselves and each other to overcome it. Hashem has sent us here, compelled to argue, to bicker and fight. We are simply incapable of sitting back, watching it happen. All of this in service of sharpening our words and our wisdom.

Whether we like it or not, no Jew is capable of evading this urge to make Klal Yisrael better in the way that each of us sees fit. And in these painful exchanges, we are to trim away our insincerities, insecurities and egos. Ultimately, we emerge battle-ready, trained and armed for the wars that each of us must wage, and that Klal Yisrael must wage together.

In a profound way, the Zohar is telling us that our tensions and divisiveness arise from our hardwired collective understanding that greater battles are coming.

Of course, there is a grave danger lurking if Chas V’Shalom, we forget that we are here training each other. God forbid that we should ever feel that another Jew is the real enemy. That has been the failure of our ancestors throughout the generations, and indeed, it is our challenge today.

To put it simply, there is an enormous difference between “Jewish Unity” and “Ahavas Yisrael”. The mistake we have made time and time again is to conflate these points. Loving each and every Jew is a undeniable and consistent requirement, equally true during times of war and peace. Of course, in these times of war, pain and crisis, we must put our differences aside; Jewish Unity is our singular path to victory. But what of the differences? If we cannot simply will them away. What does Hashem want from us?

I think the answer is clear. Hashem wants us to fight.

As Chazal (קידושין ל׳ ב) tell us:

אֲפִילּוּ הָאָב וּבְנוֹ, הָרַב וְתַלְמִידוֹ שֶׁעוֹסְקִין בַּתּוֹרָה בַּשָּׁעַר אֶחָד – נַעֲשִׂים אוֹיְבִים זֶה אֶת זֶה. וְאֵינָם זָזִים מִשָּׁם עַד שֶׁנַּעֲשִׂים אוֹהֲבִים זֶה אֶת זֶה Even a father and his son, or a rabbi and his student, who are engaged in Torah together in one gate become enemies with each other due to the intensity of their studies. But they do not leave there until they love each other.

One doesn’t need to be a prophet to see that greater battles are coming to Eretz Yisrael, and to Klal Yisrael throughout the world. We need to be prepared. We need to be sure that our ideas, our ideologies and our intentions are L’Shem Shamayim. And to that end, Hashem will be pushing us to train ourselves and each other; urging us to fight for truth. This is all part of the process, so long as we never forget that the Jews who look, speak and think so differently from us are not really our enemies, but our sparring partners. If we learn to do this right, we will leave the fight stronger, better and closer to each other.

When we see Jews fighting over massive questions, or if we feel the urge to do so ourselves, we should not despair. This is nothing less than Hashem inviting us to better ourselves; keeping us awake forcing us to discover the truth in ourselves and each other.

We don’t know what the future holds. In the comes days and weeks there might be pits of snakes and scorpions to descend into and survive. There will be dire distractions and we will need to become people who can withstand the seductive temptations of the world around us. And if we are prepared, perhaps soon the time will come that we will each be able to split the sea once more.

This week has been one long series of logistical challenges for our family. I'm not complaining – it's all for good things. As many of you know, Rebbetzin Aliza Blumenthal is currently on the OU's Women's Mission to Israel together with the rest of the Boca Delegation: Rebbetzin Goldberg, Dr. Michal Miller and Sue Kaskel.

All this means that I've been doubling up on the daily family tasks. Like most families, as our family has grown, Aliza and I have divided up the multitudes of carpools, bath-times, homework sessions, meal preps, shopping trips, cooking, laundry etc... We know our daily and weekly roles and we pretty much get on with getting things done. It's this schedule that allows us to attempt to be functioning adults as well. As any parent of young children knows, all we can ever do is make an attempt. Young kids are predictably unpredictable.

Now, don't get me wrong; I love spending time with my kids, and Baruch Hashem, I get to spend a lot of time with them. Truthfully, the days when I can be a full-time Abba are some of my favorite. But it's tough to be a full time Rabbi at the same time. It's tough to daven properly, prepare shiurim, learn Torah, and teach my talmidim. It's tough to be a functional adult while also chasing kids.

Of course, I fully recognize that my challenges this week are the tip of the iceberg for so many single parents each and every day. I remember those days well from the other side. For almost a decade, my brother and I were raised single handedly by my mom; and through this amazing privilege of raising my own children I am still consistently awed by the fact that my mom managed to achieve so much by herself. It's a debt of gratitude that I feel even more powerfully this week.

So, between the extra carpools, tantrums, lunches and schedule, I've tried to find a minute to reflect on all of this. In some small way, I'm trying to empathize with all of hundreds of thousands of Israeli parents who have been struggling along, alone at home worrying about their family on the front lines.

Throughout this week, Aliza and the other incredible women on the trip have met with the wives, mothers and families of Chayalim who have been away from home for weeks. The presence of these Rebbetzins and community leaders has relieved a drop of loneliness and exhaustion from the Israeli Homefront, and if I can help them by changing a few extra diapers in Boca, then I'm honored to add to that relief.

But, tragically these are still all comparatively “normal challenges”, barely grazing the surface of the turmoil and complications for the families of the hostages.

This week I have thought about the fathers and mothers in captivity in a far more personal light. Please forgive me; it's absurd to compare at all, but when our two year cries for his mommy, I tell him that mommy will be home in a few days; and that maybe we could FaceTime later.

Every time I've said those words, I have thought about the words – or lack of words – that must be said to toddlers waiting to hear if their parents have been released from the Hell of Hamas captivity. Or the parents waiting for news about their kids.

For them, there is no assurance, certainly no FaceTime. For those families, there is no reprieve from the relentless agony of longing, yearning, crying, hoping and fighting against the ever looming despair.

These past few days have brought me closer to the pain of our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisrael. My tefillos, rushed as they have been, have been focussed on and dedicated to those families.

But, like everything else in life, I have tried to view the past few days in the greater context of understanding Ratzon Hashem. And so I've asked myself: What does Hashem want from me right now?

The answers are not difficult to say; but they are certainly challenging to implement. This week, I suppose, Hashem wants me to work harder on my middos of empathy and patience. He wants me to get better at managing my expectations of myself and my children. He wants me to give more gratitude to my wife now, and in general.

Hashem does not want me to experience annoyance and frustration and conclude “only a few more days.” The point of this exercise is not just to “survive” the week, but for me to become a better father, husband and Eved Hashem.

In a strange way, adopting this type of growth mindset is not only possible while taking care of kids, it is almost a requirement of the child raising process.

Young children force us to work on our flexibility, forgiveness, patience and empathy in a way that we often overlook in our dealings with ourselves and other adults. Kids are so honest with their needs and emotions. They are transparent and devoid of agendas. Primarily, they just want to be happy, and they want others to be happy as well.

To enjoy spending time with our kids requires us to abandon negativity, cynicism, pessimism, over-thinking and judgmentalism. For most adults, this is nothing less than a radical shift in perspective. It's a totally new way of looking at and experiencing the world. We are so often consumed by the duplicity of the media and politics; surrounded by sarcasm, falsehoods and hatred, that we fail to see any hope or beauty.

The Yesod Tzadik – Reb Shlomke of Zhevil explains that this childlike perspective not just for kids. It's the essence of being a Jew, and it's hidden in the life of Yaakov Avinu:

The Torah often refers to Esav as a “Gadol” – a great one, as opposed to Yaakov, the “Katan”, or small one. It's a strange detail to harp on when they were born barely a minute apart; indeed, Yaakov practically emerges together with his brother, holding his heel. Why should Yaakov always be a Katan?

Reb Shlomke explains: We look at the challenges of a Gadol and Katan very differently. Contrast the adult who cannot walk well, with the toddler who tripping over their own feet. The adult makes us nervous and concerned. His situation demands a visit to a doctor, a diagnoses and a prescription. But the toddler's problems walking are of little concern to anyone. His challenge is normal and kids grow up. He'll learn to walk in due course. Likewise, an adult who can't talk is potentially seriously ill, but a babbling child is cute; he's still learning.

Consider how the mistakes of an adult are always so grave, so irreparable, so unforgivable, while a child can always do better next time.

How do we relate to a child who is crying over nothing?

If we're trying to be good parents, we'll note that “They're probably just tired, hungry or uncomfortable.” But isn't the same true for most adults as well? Do we not become a little less reasonable when we're tired, hungry and uncomfortable? Imagine if we gave ourselves and each other a little of this treatment. How many arguments could be avoided by sharing a snack before the discussion?

And what of our setbacks and failures? From the moment one is a Gadol, every challenge is a decline. But for a Katan, the issues are only issues as long as they last; they exist only until we “grow out of it”. We never stop encouraging a Katan. His setbacks are not brick walls, they are speed-bumps. A child can always learn more, grow more, achieve more.

So the Torah tells us that Yaakov is the paradigmatic Katan – he's always willing to see each and every moment as the beginning of a greater story. His Tefillah before engaging with his murderous brother indicates this growth – in becoming even more of a Katan:

קָטֹנְתִּי מִכֹּל הַחֲסָדִים וּמִכּל־הָאֱמֶת Hashem, I have become less due to the kindness and truth that You have done for me...

The Meforshim grapple with the phrase קָטֹנְתִּי. How has Yaakov gotten smaller? But with our explanation it makes perfect sense. Yaakov is relating to Hashem that precisely because of all the kindness that Hashem has showed him, he is further inspired to be a Katan. He can see that even this terrifying, life-threatening encounter with Esav is a new beginning, it's a moment of growth. Effectively, Yaakov is saying “There is nothing in my life that will make me stop believing that I can do better, that I can grow though this. If I remain a Katan forever, there is always more growing up for me to achieve.

This has been my Avoda this week – קָטֹנְתִּי – I'm trying to get a little smaller. I'm working on my middos, becoming a little more childlike, learning with and from my kids.

But beyond all of this, I'm davening for the parents fighting the longest battle of all on the Homefront. The battle to ensure that the Klal Yisrael which emerges from this war is raised with a love of Hashem, His Land, His People and His Torah.

I don't know. You don't know. None of us know.

The War Cabinet of the State of Israel has just agreed to a deal which will, Be'ezras Hashem, see the return of fifty hostages. Hostages who were cruelly and brutally abducted from their homes. Hostages who witnessed the hell of October 7th first hand, and for whom that terror has not abated for even one second.

I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions of this moment for the families of the 240+ hostages. Sleepless nights hoping, praying, yearning. Will my son, daughter, husband, wife, brother, sister, parent or grandparent be one of the “lucky ones”? And grave concern. What will the future hold for those who are not released in this deal?

We don't know.

What will be the cost of a “pause” in fighting? In Gaza? In the international arena? We are facing an enemy who celebrates death and revels in brutality, and a world of sympathizers and supporters of such evil. What will this mean for our brave Chayalim? Will this put them in even greater danger?

And what of those terrorists who will be released from Israeli prisons in this exchange? Their intentions and ideology have, no doubt, remained the same. Are they not still murderous anti-semites who desire the destruction of Jewish life and the State of Israel?

Is this price too much to pay? Is this the right thing for the State? Is this the right strategy for the war?

But what is the alternative? To allow these hostages to continue languishing in excruciating captivity? How could we?

For those who are wondering what the Halacha should be in this harrowing situation, I implore you not to attempt to “pasken” based on the shiur that you once heard, the Tosfot that you once learned, or the article that you once read. This case is far more complex than we might realize. (To learn more, Rav Asher Weiss, שליט”א addressed the Sugya here.)

We desperately want to know what is Ratzon Hashem here and we are not qualified to know.

But that's not the point. The point is that this is not our decision to make. We, in Chutz La'aretz, and even in Israel, are not members of the War Cabinet. We are not Poskim for Klal Yisrael, or generals of the IDF. We don't know the right thing to do here. But that's ok. It is not our job to know.

However we might feel about the decisions that Israel is making, I implore you to remember that there is a reason that the Master of All Worlds has not given this decision to you or me. This crucial and monumental choice is not for us to make. This choice is not ours; but there are many choices that Hashem has absolutely given to you and me. It's important to focus on our own Avoda.

Chief amongst our tasks is considering how to relate to Jews who do not share our opinion about this deal; or any other strategies and thoughts related to this war. Many more difficult questions are going to be asked. But we are not the ones who must answer. There is other work for us to do.

To be clear: Our Avoda right now is to fight, with all of our strength and power, to ensure that we do not return to the fragmentation, frustration and anger of October 6th, and to daven for the success of our nation.

Through the tears, pain and sleepless nights, each and every one of us has been uplifted by the overwhelming Ahavas Yisrael we have seen and experienced in the past six weeks. We cannot allow these feelings and perspectives to revert back to Sinas Chinam.

This is our primary battle. This is the war that we must win at all costs. Now that we have learned who the enemy is, we dare not fight each other. The world, social media and the news will try to infiltrate our hearts and minds. They will sow dissent and distrust; and we must commit to fighting the Jew Hatred in each one of us.

The methodology for success here, is first detailed by Yaakov Avinu.

The Torah this Shabbos describes how Yaakov fled his home; running from his murderous brother Esav. He arrives at some distant mountain top and prepares to sleep. Of course, we, along with Yaakov, are soon to learn that this is no ordinary mountain top. This is Har Hamoriah, the cite of the future Beis HaMikdash. But at this point, Yaakov is simply getting ready for bed.

The pasuk tells us: וַיִּקַּח מֵאַבְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם וַיָּשֶׂם מְרַאֲשֹׁתָיו – he took of the stones of that place, and put them by his head.

Reb Baruch of Mezhibuz asks the obvious question. Surely it would've been better to fortify his entire body? He should've built a small enclosure around his entire bed. Why only his head? Reb Baruch explains: If your thoughts are in the right place the rest of your body will be as well. But one who does not fortify their mind against the intrusions of negativity has no hope of keeping the rest of the themselves safe.

Yaakov Avinu could well have fallen prey to the invasive thoughts of wondering whether or not his father loved or understood him. Wondering if he would ever see his parents again. Wondering if Esav would eventually find him and kill him. But rather than allow the invasion, he fortifies his mind; and somehow manages to fall asleep. It is only at this point that Hashem reveals the past, present and future of Klal Yisrael; the ladder connecting Heaven and Earth and the dreams of generations to come.

Thousands of years later, we too are desperate for rest. Desperate for safety and security. Desperate for an end to our wars and wanderings. And the thoughts that are invading our minds are pervasive and corrosive. The worst of which are pushing us to point fingers at each other, at Hashem and at ourselves.

But if we want to ensure that Geulah will come to the hostages, to the Chayalim, to Klal Yisrael, we need to fend off the urge to fight each other.

Despite the challenges, we too need to live the dream that we are at the bottom of a ladder climbing up to the heavens. The only ones who are truly capable of pushing us off the ladder are us. But the world of Mashiach is one in which we climb together, despite our differences.

R' Pinchas of Koretz (הקדמה למדרש פנחס) explains:

Small Tzadikim have the capacity to love small Reshaim. Big Tzadikim can love even Big Reshaim. Mashiach will be able to love even completely wicked people... Anyone who can find the good in another Jew, is a little piece of Mashiach.

Of course, those making decisions for Klal Yisrael are far from Reshaim. It should be easy for us to love and daven for each and every one of our leaders and elected officials. They are making some of the most painful decisions that our nation has ever faced, and we are davening that Hashem give them the wisdom and clarity that only He can provide.

Whether you agree or disagree, we must all concede that there is still so much we don't know. So much we might never know. The only thing that we do know is that there are rungs on the ladder that we still need to climb, and the greatest danger in this deal – and any other, is that we hold ourselves back, that we stop climbing together.

Hashem should open our eyes to understand. He should bring all the hostages home safely. He should fight our wars for us, so that this Channuka, we can once again kindle the lights of Torah and Tefillah in our hearts, in our homes and in the Beis HaMikdash.